You´ll never guess what me and Tony have done today!
Well, you know how those pesky liberals have been getting mad at me over my intentions in Lebanon? And no-one´s really scared enough of being blown up to let me do what I want anymore? And poor old Tony has been roughed by the Brits over just being my mate, for like, forever? Well TODAY we got back on top again - we foiled "The Big One"! (Ho ho!).
Yessirree - all it took was a quiet arrangement with Pakistan and a media frenzy across the Western hemisphere, and all those stupid voter folks are going to have to shut the heck up and suit up again for The War On Terror 2! No more crap for a while about me over reacting - Daddy always said: scare the bejesus out of ´em and they´ll only love you more!
All those fellahs we picked up today are going straight to Guantanamo - and no-one´s ever gonna see ´em again! Let alone the paperwork - it won´t matter once the conflict in Israel escalates next week (and we both know if will cos American made weapons last for a good while) cos then no-one will be looking! And if they do we´ll make them whatever they need.
The best thing is the Brits are going to fall all over Tony after this; he made sure they caused a real hoo-ha at the airports, and the stuff those guys came up with about the "liquid bombs" - genius! It´s totally possible, everyone buys it, and everyone´s just so scared and happy it got stopped! But because we kept the good old US of A as the target we get double paranoia - buy one get one free! And they say I a waste stuff...
Oh well diary - time for bed: but before I do I´m going to put my newest hundred dollar bill in my piggy bank (I hope I can squeeze it in!) - I won it off Connie when she bet me there´d be outrage in Britain over the introduction of non-biodegradable and yet "disposable" clear plastic bags to thousands and thousands of people who now can´t have carry on luggage. She actually thought people would recognise this thoughtless and completely avoidable abuse of our ecosystem as being as great a threat in the long term as any exploding cola. But I, needless to say I got the bill! Ho ho. Night night then diary - double or nothing on this hundred I sleep like a baby!