Governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger revealed today, for the eighty-sixth time, that he really loves female breasts. This predictable news was timed to coincide with Schwarzenegger´s proposed tax on women´s underwear, which could price bras out of the market for many Californian women.
When questioned on the possible ramifications of his proposed bill in an interview with The Californian Schwarzenegger reportedly "Hey...tits...boobs...yum-yum...me love boobies...who is your daddy?....and what does he do?"
Harriet Jones, leader of the Women´s Liberation Party has threatened violent action against Schwarzenegger if he continues to demean women with his comments. She had this to say "Just recently our Governor was accused of sexual assault and now he is passing a bill to remove women´s underwear, it´s the final straw, the time for talk is over we are going to crush that sexist moron."
When informed of the threat President Bush is said to have ordered a platoon of marines to protect his friend. Schwarzenegger sent them home explaining that "..I fear nothing...if any woman attacks me I will spank her...and of course spanking turns me on so who knows what might happen after that...hahahaha."
Girls Aloud member Cheryl Tweedy is officially the UK´s most wanted criminal after embarking on a violent crime spree which is yet to be brought to an end. It all started with her sensational assault on a lollipop attendant. Sensationally Cheryl proved herself a spoiled arrogant little bitch when she refused to pay for stolen lollipops and then punched the attendant in the face leaving her with a nasty black eye. Sensational.
The ensuing court case saw claims of racially motivated attack dismissed thanks to cash from the girls´ record company which ended up in the pocket of the Judge. However she was found guilty of assault and asked to pay a little fine. This verdict was not what Cheryl desired and she could not control her disappointment, vaulting over the desk to head butt the judge and several onlookers before making her escape through an open window.
Shocked friends and family were at a loss to explain her increasingly erratic behaviour. Earlier today she hi-jacked a bus of pensioners and drove it over a cliff. Despite signs that she may have died in the crash police have refused to stop hunting and roadblocks have been set up across Britain. Chief of Police Randy Barnet claimed "We´ll catch her soon, her need for attention is so great that she will never be able to hide from us." We can only hope they shoot to kill.
Hideous old hag, Carol Vorderman has unbelievably been named as one of the top ten sexiest women who feature in the fantasies of British males in a recent crap excuse by cable channel Sky One to use sex to boost ratings. Vorderman came sixth, sparking a national enquiry into the mental health of the average British male.
The advert whore with a basic knowledge of maths was satisfyingly anonymous for years on the awful Channel 4 show "Countdown". Unfortunately at some point people began to make stupid claims about her being "geek crumpet" and "old man´s totty". This encouraged her into one of the most notorious events in British history, when she wore that revealing dress which caused me and many others to physically vomit uncontrollably.
She has gradually raised her profile through countless crappy presenting jobs and truly heinous adverts in which she likes to give poor people very bad advice about who to borrow money from. She is supposed to be a maths expert yet she advises people to pay stupidly high rates of interest for credit that you know she has never needed.
Terrified men around the country should not be alarmed as it turns out that the average British male and the average British male who bothers to vote in a crappy Sky one poll are very different. A difference of around 60 IQ points.